Creative Rage

Why I write, take photos, create something from nothing, and generally put lots of time and effort into ventures that may well never be seen by any other individuals. Sounds like a waste of time already doesn’t it? But I assure you there is a reason I do what I do. And someday all of my effort will pay off by creating change. 

I named this piece creative rage because its only fair to explain why I put my heart and soul into my creative endeavors and how rage figures into that. Originally I was a good artist, when I was young I used to draw horses and deer and trees rather well. As I grew older this ability fell to the wayside due to the trauma I experienced in my life, as well as my time being stolen by the need to work to survive. I forgot all about creating until I began singing for a metal band. Naturally being inventive and a word lover I started to write words to original songs and became a lyricist, which I still am to this day. But it didn’t quench my thirst for creativity. I had a lot of rage bottled up. I was a screamer in the band, it helped to keep me sane and to let my rage out safely. After the band years ended (about 15 years) I needed some way to divert my anger and frustration of living life in what I deemed this shell. (What others call a forty hour work week). So I began to shoot photography. I was at the time in a depressed state, suicidal, and angry. Rather than use the anger toward others I would go shoot 300 to 1,000 photos a day. I photographed anything that presented itself to my camera. I told myself that I was shooting the frustration, pain, anger and heartache through the lens and the by product was beauty. In this way it was very therapeutic for me to go and shoot photography. Some days were so good I would feel satisfied that I had done something creative. Meanwhile burning off my anger and pent up rage I saved others from dealing with my depressed outlook on life.

I knew this creative rage was not the same as getting help through therapy, but for me it worked. Eventually I began shooting photography just because it was fun. But it began as a way to calm me down. I developed an eye for it, taught myself by reading books and experimenting with different techniques, and stumbled onto new ways to do things with the camera. It was a learning experience I would never give up. I learn new things each day with the help of my camera. And my writing was boosted using the same technique, let it out on paper, create, focus the bad and make something good.

So if you need inspiration, do something creative when your in a bad place mentally, and tell yourself your using your creative rage to make something better, rather than using this rage to create violence. I hope this inspires someone else.

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